the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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