return my video game
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
