I just threw up on my dentist
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
