we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize