her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
