If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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