I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
