My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
