wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
