the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
