I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
