I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
