He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
