The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize