Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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