Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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