So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
