He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
