My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just had sex on a roof
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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