Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
