He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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