So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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