i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
