She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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