R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
