I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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