fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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