Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
