I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
