i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize