You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
