i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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