Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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