whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
