i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
