every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
