don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
