yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize