What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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