my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
