True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
