I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
