It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dicks are not precious.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
