Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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