How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
