i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize