Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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