They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
