i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
