I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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