Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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