i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize