I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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