She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
