i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
