He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
