jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
