I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
