Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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