So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
