dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
