he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
