Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
