So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
