Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
