why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
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