You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
