so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
