You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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