I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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