so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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