found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
