meet me or not, i'm out of control
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize