My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
