Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
