Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
