She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
