Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
