what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We just shotgunned beers for America
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
