I think i peed on brittanys purse
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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