me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
