Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
