Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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