We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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