He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
