btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
