the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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