Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
