and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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