hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
