had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
