On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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