I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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