I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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