Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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