Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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