You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
