Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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