Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
