Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
