mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
