i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
3pm strippers are depressing
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The power of my boobs compel you
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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