I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You need a sexual gate keeper
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
