You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
