My hair reeks of homosexuality.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
