My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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