We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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